Inspiration

Sometimes I feel sad that I haven't reached many of my goals due to pausing my plans to raise happy civilized little humans. But though I've paused I haven't stopped. I haven't given up. While I await the arrival of another little human and endure endless sleepless nights and days of cooking cleaning and homeschooling I continue to study my craft and try to share music with them.

I try to remember to work on myself every chance I get and enjoy the journey though it's often arduous, lonely, and tiring. Even if it's a step forward a step back, still I step.

I have had long bouts of vocal and breathing issues and though I've actively tried to find and solve the causes still I'm frustrated that more often than not I'm held back by mucus, poor breathing habits due to a lifetime of pretty much constant congestion and allergies, and vocal fatigue from home schooling. The crumbs of time I get to myself are ruined either by technology that won't cooperate or my own physical problems.

We cleaned the air ducts and installed a Uv light, and got hardcore about dusting and deep cleaning more often. Still my problems persist. I remembered my conversation with Coach Benny Meza. He mentioned that he went through a similar patch and during his troubleshooting figured out the cat was part of the problem. I have an indoor outdoor cat. I know my mom became allergic to cats later on in her life despite being fine with them for most of it so it's not a stretch to think it could happen to me.

I have started to seriously consider that maybe the kitty needs a new home. The piano is her favorite place to sleep and leave piles of cat hair. I love her, but ultimately would both of us be better off if she found a new home? I honestly don't have time for her like I used to before the kids. It's a tough choice to make, but when I see what others have gone through and given up to bring their dreams to life maybe it's just the logical thing to do. 🙁

There is also the possibility that I and the kids have sleep apnea. Sleep issues more than anything else kill creativity and living in brain fog makes life so much harder than it needs to be. I'm stuck until the future arrival outgrows milk and I can figure out a definite diagnosis and, if needed, surgical solution.

Raising the kids the best I can in these tender years (particularly the adhd one) has been my top mission in life, and biggest challenge. I didn't know what I was signing up for. My decision to homeschool is what nailed the lid on my songwriting and production. Babysitters are expensive these days. So I do what I can and inch forward slowly but surely.

I can't bust out a high F over high C at will yet as I'd hoped to back in 2015. I feel that if I'd continued working on the new program Range Builder and the songs Madison assigned me to normalize whistle voice the way I used to work on the old programs five days a week every week by now I'd certainly have it. But life happens and I just have to suck up the fact that i need to solve more problems.